#my least favourite gays they should die

[x333141xd]

yapper x listener oh yeahhhhh

[blue-willow-tree]

I love the emoji ask games, but I couldn't find one nearly as long as I'd hoped it would be, so I made my own one. Feel free to reblog to see what your followers think of you <3 It's a mix of SFW and NSFW.

💌 - You live too far away from me

💘 - You're so pretty

💝 - You're so handsome

❤️ - I think we should meet up

❤️‍🩹 - I think you need therapy

🎮 - I want to play video games with you but I'm too nervous to ask

💛 - I love your energy

🖤 - I don't know whether I want to punch you or make out with you

💍 - Marry me.

😈 - I'd let you use all your kinks on me

😚 - I despise you

🫣 - I have a crush on you but I'd never admit it off anon

💕 - You're my favourite mutual

👅 - I want to fight you

🍇 - You scare me but I like it

🍑 - I want to see your nudes so badly but I'm too scared to ask

👢 - Step on me please

🍓 - I think you're the sweetest angel on this app

🌈 - You're super gay (yay)

☔️ - You're super gay (ew)

💧 - If you ever deactivate I'm going to cry

🎆 - I want to be closer with you

🫂 - I wish I could hug you at least once

🎀 - I want you to be my valentine every year

🧸 - I wish I were one of your teddies (yes, I mean this in a creepy way)

⚽️ - I want to kick this ball at your head

🪩 - I want to go to a club with you

🔪 - I'd help you kill someone

��� - You're the biggest nerd in existence (I find it hot)

🫠 - You make me melt whenever we interact

😍 - I want you to be my first time

🐛 - You're short

💐 - Here's a bouquet because you're amazing

🥀 - Here's a dying rose because I'm a secret hater

🐇 - You're so cute it gives me cuteness aggression

🐴 - I'd pay a lottt of money to ride you

🕊 - You're really gentle, and it makes me feel safe with you

🐝 - If I were a bee I'd sting you and die happy

🍻 - I want to get drunk with you

🧁 - I bet you taste amazing

🍆 - You have BDE

☕️ - I want to sit on a porch and drink tea/coffee with you

🌚 - You need more sleep

🛸 - I wish I could abduct you

🪱 - Yes, I'd still love you if you were a worm

🤭 - It's insane how much you make me blush

🍀 - You're my personal lucky charm

💋 - I really want to kiss you

🗣 - I like the way you talk on your blog

🐈 - If you were a stray cat I'd take you home with me

🪼 - I'm in awe of you and if you ever interacted with me I'd scream

🥧 - Here's a warm pie, because you deserve a delicious warm pie.

🌅 - I want to watch the sunrise/sunset with you

🎡 - If we were at the top of a ferris wheel together I'd push you off

⚓️ - You give amazing advice

☁️ - You help my anxiety lessen, and I always feel calm around you, even online

🏘 - You're my favourite mutual

🛻 - Why don't you have your license yet?

🎨 - You're so beautiful somebody should paint you

🚩 - You're a walking red flag

🏳 - You're the biggest green flag I've ever seen (pretend it's green)

🏁 - You help me finish

🚭 - I want to smoke with you

🪭 - I'm just silent fan of your blog

🎶 - You have great music taste

🍯 - You're a good girl/good boy

🙊 - I could spend hours talking to you

[froznwater]

post WT Alenaoh drabble

Alejandro wins World Tour and now not only does his family treat him poorly, but so does the rest of the world. Even Heather gets her bit of redemption after being "used by the evil Alejandro." But none of the shows fans like him. They can admit he was smart, yes, but ultimately someone able to play with that many peoples hearts is not a good person. Twitter trends with phrases like 'rigged', 'not my tdw', and 'slippery eel' for weeks after his victory. His phone number gets leaked, bombarded with hateful messages, and his car gets keyed during the ten minutes he takes to run into his local mall to pick up a gift for his mother on her birthday. Tiktok makes 'plot twist' edits of him. Where it begins with him, but ultimately switches to another of his precious peers after they "shut him down" and the entire concept is just one big fuck Alejandro party in the comments. Hundreds- thousands of greasy idiots belittling him for their enjoyment. He doesn't even post on Instagram anymore. Too pussy to entirely turn off the comments and let the world think they've won, he just buries the app deep in a folder and leaves it untouched. Eel. Fake. Bop. I'm doing it, are you? How many letters in Alejandro? Is that oil I see? Noah = 8.

Some people even show up at his house. His father hires bodyguards and demands the police to patrol the area, but blames Alejandro for all of it. This is all your fault. You were too careless. You should have done this. You shouldn't have done this. Look, this person figured you out. Why did you say this? That was dumb. Jose would have done better. He WON, didn't he? ...Didn't he? But college starts in two months, so he rides it out as much as he can. College sucks. Everyone stares, but no one approaches unless it's some dickhead-sexist loser clapping him on the back with enough gusto that really re-whacks the reality into him every time. He's met with "Aren't you that asshole that won Total Drama World Tour a couple months ago?" any time he tries to make some friends. None of the cast reach out. It stings, but Alejandro gets it. He's not wanted. Within three weeks, he's moves to the middle of fucking no where with his cat and enrolls in as many online classes that his new mediocre college will allow. - Noah, praised for his intelligence and funny one-liners over his course of 15 minutes of screen-time, is the fan-favourite. Officially. Voted through the after-season special reunion. Even though he never made it far. In the beginning it's vaguely funny, karmatic. Him. Noah. The unlike-able "schemer." Is the one that fans edit on tiktok and quote on Twitter. After a (short)while it's annoying. He can't get his coffee before class without posing(or declining to do so) for at least two instagram photos. He can't scroll Twitter without seeing someone referencing him in the replies. "Giving slippery eel." "It's all down here from here, honey."

Even his nickname for Owen is used to fatshame people everywhere. "Lunchbox." Is commented under anyone over 100 pounds. It puts a foul taste in Noah's mouth that makes him lock his phone and touch fucking grass every time. Tiktok clips of him go viral. So not only does a lot of America know him, most of it does, as well as other parts of the big wide world. It sucks. The studio won't let it die either. They sell merch of his face. Of his sweater vest with the inbuilt button-up. Of his face on a gay flag(which the fans use as confirmation in his sexuality after demanding so from him for months and getting no answer.(He isn't even gay.)) Of his last insult to Alejandro. And, really, who actually won that fight? Noah, bisexual gay icon, who signed away all his rights to merch pay-cut? Or the man and his million dollars that hasn't been seen or heard from in three months? With love and admiration comes hate. It's piling up more and more. And the more people blindly defend him the more people that come out with their "I'm going to be honest. I didn't care for Noah from Total Drama." And Noah can deal with hate. Honestly, he can deal with it better than he can with love and people genuinely liking him. But he's seen the pattern. He knows where this is going. He goes on a few interviews he never accepted before, gets a new phone number, deletes all his social media, applies to a new college with a student count of 2,000, and retires his red sweaters.

Fuck the internet.

- You'll never guess who he sees.

[abooklover]

Lines/things in the red white and royal blue movie that make me scream and laugh hysterically (bear with me cause there’s a lot):

‘an urge I currently share’ (Ellen)

‘Making it was one of the most depressing moments of my career and I once saw Mitch McConnell eating a banana’ (Zahra)

‘You can hate prince Henry all you want but the minute you see a camera you better act like the sun shines out of his ass and you have a vitamin d deficiency’ (made even funnier cause of how literally this turned out) - bonus ‘what if I set myself on fire’ (Alex), ‘we’d ship the ashes to Heathrow’ (Zahra)

‘That’s perfect, you can kill me and I won’t have to go’ (Henry)

‘That’s what makes you so charming. That and your eyelashes.’ (So fucking glad they included at least a reference to this. Taylor’s lashes were working fucking overtime in this movie.)

Henry’s text with the attachment and ‘but we were ever so careful, dear’ (One of my favourite texts in the book and I’m so glad it made it into the movie)

‘Can you think of anything more wasteful’ (Alex), ‘Perhaps this conversation’ (Henry)

Henry’s weird little attempt at dancing while chugging out of a champagne bottle with on fist pumping weakly into the air (he is so me it hurts)

‘He grabbed my hair in a way that made me understand the difference between rugby and football’ (Alex)

‘Princes aren’t allowed to be gay, you should know that’ (Nora)

Alex trying to look cool for when Henry walks into the red room (we love an awkward boy)

Alex and Henry jumping apart to do the most unnatural things (Alex inspecting flowers like it’s his job and Henry perusing the bookshelf) like the idiots they are when Amy walks in on them making out

‘Are you still…’ (Alex) ‘Like Stonehenge’ (Henry), ‘or Big Ben’ (Alex)

‘Henry and I are much happier against walls’ (Alex)

‘Are they known for their homosexual tendencies’ (Alex)

‘And I thought Alex Gabriel Claremont Diaz was a mouthful’ (Alex), ‘He is’ (Henry) - and the fucking looks that followed it (kill me now)

‘I went to an English boarding school dear, trust me you’re in good hands’ (Henry)

‘Once, unsuccessfully’ (Henry)

‘Oh gee kid I’m sorry to interrupt your process of becoming but you’re the one who decided to put your dick into the heir to the British throne’ (Zahra), ‘Technically I’m the spare’ (Henry), ‘Not talking to you sir’ (Zahra)

‘Every time I see you it takes another year off of my life’ (Zahra)

Alex’s ‘Noooo..’ and the little laugh he does

‘If I’d had more warning I could’ve made you a PowerPoint presentation’ (Ellen) - another incredible callback to the book

Oscar Diaz’s affectionate ‘you little shit’

‘I’ve been thinking’ (Alex), ‘I seriously doubt that’ (Henry) and Alex’s mimick of it (absolute gold)

‘Or find herself at the top of the staircase with Phillip around’ (Bea, you literally had no right)

Zahra’s face when Alex starts mooning over Henry after his speech, then Zahra saying ‘oh my god, I just have to do everything round here’ and do not get me started on her whole speech to Shaan (greatest thing ever)

‘You might be lousy at keeping secrets kiddo, but I’m not’ (Zahra), ‘Zahra, I could kiss you’ (Alex), ‘Touch me and die’ (Zahra)

‘They can’t keep you locked away forever’ (Alex), ‘We really need to get you a book on English history’ (Henry)

The way Stephen Fry says ‘homosexual’

‘You still haven’t noticed my tie’ and Henry’s little smile afterward (oh how far we’ve come)

BONUS: ‘Do you think anyone noticed?’ and Henry’s exasperated sigh afterward

[lazyrezi]

Tj klune books ranked by me based on pure vibes, re-read potential, angst to humor ratio and MY OBJECTIVELY CORRECT OPINION:

Tales of Verania - LISTEN! LISTEN!!! These books are insane and I don't even know if I mean it in a good way tbh. The characters are all on crack. It's both corny (HAH if you know you know) and raunchy. YES the humour is a bit out there and sometimes the sex scenes/jokes are almost too much for my virgin eyes. Are these books "good"? You're asking the wrong question! They're fun and you WILL have fun reading them!!! It's very self-aware, tongue in cheek also sometimes a little too cheesy for my liking.

Oh, also, there are lesbian and emo dragons and magic and monologuing villains and a prophecy because OF COURSE THERE IS. These books will not change your life, but they will make you laugh and maybe cringe and feel. I am thinking about rereading it for the vibes. 10/10 would recommend BUT ONLY if you can get silly with it!!! No doom and gloom!!! (Okay, maybe a little doom and gloom....)

Green creek - ANGST. WEREWOLVES. GAY POSSESIVE WEREWOLVES. FOUND FAMILY

(weird age gap relationships I'm so sorry I hate it too and I hate how easy it would have been to just not do that but oh well)

MORE ANGST.

It's been a minute since I have read these books but oh boy they had me in a chokehold for MONTHS. Full disclaimer I have not read the last book AND STILL I am fully confident in recommending these books.

Ngl there is more weird shit in these books than I care to list. IT DOESN'T MATTER. If the tales of verania characters are on crack then these ones are living in a straight up soap opera. People leave. They hold grudges. THEY HAVE AMNESIA? They have enemies as well. Buildings blow up, people die ohymgod the melodrama never ends and. That is. SO FUN. albeit a different kind of fun but still. Fun times all around. I have finished reading these books and immediately reread them which should tell you everything you need to know. 10000/10

The extraordinaries - imagine you're watching a movie where a scene is coming up that just gives you THE WORST second hand embarrassment - now imagine it isn't a scene in a movie, it's three books and it's every page of all three books. Just sheer unadulterated second hand embarrassment.

Now if you look inside yourself you might find that your feelings are misplaced. The main guy isn't embarrassed and neither should you be! Life is all about falling on your ass and making an idiot out of yourself in the process and it's okay! It's okay. At least that's what I kept telling myself while reading these books.

No, but in all seriousness. These books are good fun. The greatest thing about tj klune is that he will take ANY theme and make it gay. We have gay superheroes. Gay werewolves. Gay magical beings. Gay ghosts! I as someone who regularly wonders why the media I am consuming isn't more gay, am a fan. I want him to do it all. Gay cowboys! Gay astronauts! GIMME IT.

These books I will not reread because I fear I might just die from the second hand embarrassment. It's so bad. But! It's also good! Educational fun. Wholesome love. Some minimal melodrama. 7/10

Oookay. Time for the stand alone books!

The house in the cerulean sea - okay don't hate me but this ain't my favourite. It's everyone else's tho! So I'm sure there is something to it. I think this is what you think of first when you hear tj klune - everyone knows this one, everyone loves it. It's like the popular kid in school. I, as a stubborn contrarian cannot abide this.

Still there is a lot going for this one. It takes you on a journey in a way a book should. And I personally love old gays being in big gay love so I can't complain.

But I will nonetheless.

So the thing about this book is that it's very innocent. And there isn't much angst just a minor misunderstanding that is pretty much quickly resolved. The big confrontation at the end is also quickly squashed by *checks notes* people talking to each other? I mean. It's nice! I would like it to work like that irl. In stories however.... I like a little more angst and anguish personally. There are also a lot of kid characters in this one which is FINE tj klune is actually pretty good at writing kids realistically (even special magical kids) but it's just not for me. I say that but I will be buying the sequel next month so jokes on me. The whole book was just a little too on the nose for my liking but it's still a very cosy read. Also someone pointed this out but WHY is this book so British? None of his other books are set in Britain and this one is set in a magical world so what's up with that?

Despite all my complaints I have reread this book twice. I don't know either. 8/10

In the lives of puppets - first tj klune book I have ever read and seeing as I have since then read everything written by this man I think you know this one is a good one. IT'S SO GOOD. It has everything!! Robots. Found family (families always find each other in tj klune stories). Asexual main guy. ROAD TRIP. Wholesome fun and existential crises for the price of one! 9/10 docked a point only because I don't think I'll be rereading it again. Also the romance was a bit weird BUT! It did grow on me. Like mould.

Under the whispering door - you would think this one would be an easy 10/10. Doomed love story (also gay 'cause of course it's gay), lessons about redeeming yourself, coffee shop and ghosts and and. Honestly it's been a minute since I've read this one. But what I remember is the ending.

Call me pessimistic but I don't think love should bring you back from the dead SORRY. IMMA SAY IT. Main guy should have stayed dead! Think like "the love was there, it didn't save anyone but it was there" vibes. Expect! Here it did save someone! Ridiculous concept! I buy ghost dogs but I WILL draw the line at being brought back from the dead. (The dog isn't brought back in case you're wondering). And it's such a shame because I really like the themes about death and redeeming yourself and it has such good potential! Unfortunately it suffers a serious case of not-working-for-me. Listen can I explain to you why this book didn't hit the same as the rest? Noo. All I know is that I read this book and immediately forgot about it. And unlike the house in the cerulean sea it looks like so did everyone else. Seriously tho. Anyone a big fan of this one? 6/10.

[melinoyart]

i'm on yet another flight, i haven't slept since tuesday, and i no longer care if i alienate my entire audience so fuck it here's my magnum opus

HOTD Characters and their War and Peace Equivalents

Alicent - Andrei Bolkonsky

never been happy not even for a minute. lose their religion through a series of horrific events. bad marriages caused in no small part by the fact that they're gay and in love with their best friends. look at the sky one time and realise the war raging around them is meaningless and love is what life is truly about.

Rhaenyra - Count Rostopchin

my friend said this as a joke once and i haven't been able to stop thinking about it. chronically indecisive until they finally make a decision and it's emphatically not the correct one, fuck up massively at work one time and have to flee the city because of a baying mob, blamed for fire and destruction on an almost inconceivable scale but it was sort of inevitable anyway.

Aegon - Anatole Kuragin

start out as insufferable hedonists. fuck their sisters. like wearing a soldier's uniform but the whole 'fighting a war' thing is really cramping their style. become grievously injured and the things they say afterwards make you think oh this sucks actually maybe the human soul is redeemable whatever a person's past.

Viserys - Ilya Rostov

well-meaning and very very stupid. daughters who know what they want in life and what they want in life is TO FUCK. help my son is bankrupting me. make zero contingency plans for the future and die at the worst possible moment leaving their families in ruins.

Jacaerys - Boris Drubetskoy

desperately want to be important but are ultimately footnotes in other people's stories. i'm a MAN now MOTHER. in love with cool hot women who they fumble because they promise to marry them and then proceed to make them wait indefinite and unreasonable periods of time by which point it's out of their hands.

Helaena - Maria Bolkonskaya

sweet and gentle and generally considered to be weird outcasts by those around them. their fathers' least favourite children. have intense special interests that drive other people away. a little detached from the world. even when it seems like something good has happened to them it turns out to just be a fresh horror.

Daemon - Feodor Dolokhov

men who should be on a list. in love with teenagers and throw hissy fits when they don't get their way with them. meddled in foreign politics and are now super popular at home. go through a profoundly life-altering experience and for a minute you think they've redeemed themselves but it turns out they've learnt nothing.

thank you for reading i spent far too much time on this.

[princelance]

a movie........

time for a rant that has been a looong time coming because

the FUCK??? NOOOOOOOOOOOO PLEASE NO NO NO PLEASE GOD IF YOU'RE OUT THERE NEVER LET THIS MOVIE SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY NEVER EVEN MENTION THAT SHOW EVER AGAIN IN MY PRESENCE it should fucking DIE and stay DEAD

the WORST fandom i've ever come across/been part of. everyone was so fucking braindead. god the bullying here was So Bad. vld fandom was the epitome of 'you can't enjoy what you like'. and the bullies were like, some of the most popular blogs here. the content creators (among others ofc) here were NASTY. the people making decent art were so fucking rude to almost anyone that didn't bow down to them and agree with their views on the show, sitting on their high horse like they were fucking gods or something when they were like, 17 or something. mind u voltron was a show about ugly transformers lions and a bunch of kids in space meant for 7 YEAR OLDS. like stfu it's not deep, it's not important. i get that this is the internet i really do but apparently everyone was a pedo and homophobic and racist and needed to be cancelled because they weren't pure angels. i hope the people who liked the show, both teens and adults alike, have grown up and learnt what those words actually mean and why you shouldn't just casually throw them around. i hated you all. u had to be so careful about what you said on here, it was like north korea or something. i remember how kids got bullied into deleting their harmless fanfics, the fucking voice actors got bullied on a daily basis, it was BAD. i remember i got hate for having shiro as my icon and the background was the bi flag colours. I AM BI. also, so what if i had headcanoned shiro as bi, you couldn't have stopped me or anyone else from thinking that, and also IT WOULD NOT HAVE MATTERED, HE'S FICTIONAL, HE'S JUST LINES AND PIXELS. i know this is going to shatter some of your worlds (or at least would have back then), but a random ass nobody on tumblr headcanoning a character as bi when said character is "actually" straight/gay/whatever is NOT going to affect irl queer people in any way, it does NOT have real life consequences. who gives a fuck. since when has the fandom given a shit about canon anyway? fuck you.

okay, i've been bitching about the fandom enough (no i haven't, there's no way you can ever bitch about the vld fandom enough). what about the actual show? well. once again it's meant for 7 year olds. who cares if it was good or not. i've seen seasons 1–6. i liked season 1, didn't really like anything after that since the show seemed to change so much. the first season kind of has a different vibe completely? idk how to explain it, it just kind of feels like the actual show and then the rest was just a long fanfic by someone who was in love with keith's character. but since i was watching the show with my sister who was 10 at the time, it was fine, otherwise i wouldn't have kept watching after seeing season 2 i don't think.

here are a few negative things about the show imo:

making keith the main character out of nowhere after s1 (where he definitely wasn't the main focus) was so dumb. god the showrunners loved keith sooo much, it was so stupid. keith was nooot a leader. whatever.

making keith the black paladin was also so fucking stupid my god. and yes, everyone here wanting LANCE to become the black paladin just because he was the fandom favourite (don't get me wrong, he was my fave too) was so fucking braindead too honestly. shiro or allura. no one else made any sense.

canon allurance SUUUCKED. like holy shit that was so bad and horribly written, even lotor and allura had a better love story and had waaay more chemistry (and their relationship ended badly, rightfully so). and NO klance was never ever ever going to be canon, you were so delusional. like lmaooo did we even watch the same show? i just really enjoyed their dynamic and that's why i shipped them together, whatever. but yeah, like i said the bullying here was disgusting and everyone was cancelled, great, klance seemed to be the only thing you were allowed to like so in that sense i was lucky.

everything they did with allura in the later seasons............ you know what? i'm not even going to start. because wtfffffffff, as a storyteller myself i ?????? what in the world were they thinking. but yeah whatever it does not matter.

the point of this post is that EW EW EWWWW FUCK THAT SHOW AND FUCK YOU, if you were in the voltron fandom in 2017/2018 i personally hate you

[flufallo]

Um.... I found a random quote generator

Cat king: Hello all, it is I, your favorite person.

Charles: Actually, Edwin is my favourite.

Cat king: Okay then, it is I, that bitch.

Edwin: Do you have a self-care routine?

Jenny: "Keep going bitch" said to myself in different accents.

Charles : Do you guys want to see a butterfly?

Niko: Ooh, yes please!

Jenny, with their laptop open: I'm not going to stop working to look at a stupid bug!

Charles: It's not a bug though...

Jenny: ...

Niko: ...

Jenny: Well I still don't want to see.

Niko, realizing: Please don't throw-

Charles : Whee! *throws a stick of butter*

Monty: Edwin keeps forgetting which WiFi network they're supposed to use.

Monty: So I renamed ours to "Edwin, use this one" to help them out a little.

Charles: How would you like your coffee?

Crystal : As dark and as bitter as my soul.

Charles, shouting to someone behind the counter: I need one vanilla latte with extra cream and sugar!

Cat king: Fuck you.

Esther : No u.

Cat king: I'm down.

Esther : You're like 2, what the fuck-

Cat king: I AM NOT 2!

Cat king: Monty is a strings kid. We must sacrifice them to the band gods.

Charles: Yes.

Crystal : You're right. It'd be a good initiation for me.

Monty: Wait, guys, what about the truce we signed-

Charles: What truce?

Cat king: *sigh* The truce that we must destroy all the choir kids and leave the strings alone.

Esther : Wait, I'm a choir kid!

Everyone else: *prepares for sacrifice*

Squad reactions to being called straight:

Jenny: The fuck, no I'm not.

Edwin : Excuse the hell out of you?

Cat king: Ding dong, you are wrong!

Charles: Who told you that? And why did they lie?

Niko: Rude.

Esther : *punches the person*

Cat king: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT!

Esther : At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.

Cat king: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?

Esther : Somehow that's worse

Jenny: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?

Monty: What makes a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?

Edwin: A stab wound.

Jenny: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.

Monty: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.

Niko: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?

Crystal : Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

Niko: I just want someone to take me out.

Crystal : On a date?

Cat king: With a sniper gun?

Esther : Both if you're not a coward.

Esther : OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?! TIME OUT! GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE! GET UP THERE!

Monty: *Climbing* THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!!!

Cat king: Is this mistletoe?

Edwin: Uh, no, no, that is basil.

Cat king: Too bad cause if it was mistletoe I was gonna kiss you.

Edwin: Yeah, no, it’s still basil.

Charles: You know what’s funny about Edwin? They’re my best friend, and anyone who’d hurt them is someone I’d murder, probably.

Charles: I’ve only had Edwin for a day and a half but if anything happened to them I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

Cop: What are your names?

Esther: Don't tell them, Cat king.

Cop, writing: Cat king...

Esther: Crap.

Cat king: Nice going, Esther.

Cop:

Cat king: Uh oh.

Monty: I’m taking a look at your numbers, and it doesn’t look good. You have a lot of measurements. Quite a few variables.

Charles: Is that… bad?

Monty: Variables are the #1 risk factor for outcomes. The past is a big contributor to the future.

Charles: Isn’t that just causality?

Monty: Causality is the leading cause of death in this country.

Charles: So what are my odds?

Monty: Do you have a family history?

Charles: Of what?

Monty: Just, in general.

Charles: …Yes?

Monty: Oh no.

Niko, texting Edwin : *sends a voice message*

Edwin , texting back: I’m a little busy, is it urgent?

Niko: No, don’t worry, just listen later.

*later*

Edwin : *presses play*

Niko's voice message: THERE’S A FIRE-

Monty: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.

Esther , used to Monty being dumb: Sure...

Monty: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

Esther : Okay?

Monty: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.

Esther :

Monty: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-

Esther : Jesus, that one is a little-

Jenny, interested: No, no, Monty, keep going.

Crystal : But we’re friends! I was building up to calling you a nickname soon!

Edwin: That’ll never happen! In fact, you just lost “Edwin” privileges. From now on, you can call me by my last name or ‘Hey, you.’.

Crystal : Come on, Edwin.

Edwin: *glares*

Crystal : Come on, Hey you.”

Crystal : That shirt looks great, Charles.

Charles: Thanks.

Crystal : But I bet it would look even better on Edwin's floor.

Edwin: Are you hitting on Charles... for me?

Cat king: What do we think of Monty?

*pause*

Charles: *sighs* Nice pal.

Crystal : I think they're gay.

Esther : What am I supposed to do?

Monty: If I were you? I’d try and make peace with whatever deity, pantheon, or Divine Other you believe in.

Esther : I’m an atheist.

Monty: Then just get ready to die I guess

*playing twister*

Crystal : Right hand red.

Charles: *ends up on top of Edwin *

Edwin: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?

Crystal : I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice

Cat king: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?

Edwin: We're chopsticks!

Cat king: Well... that's cute!

Cat king: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?

Charles: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.

Monty: Do you want to play 20 Questions?

Edwin: Sure!

Edwin: Whats your favorite color?

Monty, laser fucking focused: Triangle. Do you like men?

Edwin: I love the term 'partners'. Are we dating? Are we robbing a bank? Are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit? Who knows

Cat king, to Esther : All right, let’s tell each other a secret about ourselves. I’m going to go first– I hate you.

Cat king: I’m a bad person, I’m a very bad person, I’m a horrible person.

The Squad:

Cat king: No you’re not, Cat king! We still love you, Cat king!

Esther : This should be illegal!

Jenny: It is.

Jenny: What scares you guys the most?

Charles: Werewolves!

Niko: Sharks.

Edwin: The unstoppable marching of time that is slowly guiding us all towards an inevitable death.

Monty:

Monty: Edwin.

Charles: What do you think Cat king will do for a distraction?

Edwin: They'll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That's what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*

Edwin: ...or they could do that.

Charles: Pfft, you should meet Niko, they're such a tsundere.

Monty: They... they just stabbed you.

Charles: So cute.

Cat king: All in all, a 100% successful trip.

Niko: But we lost Esther .

Cat king: All in all, a 100% successful trip!

*Cat king falls over*

Monty: Cat king! Are you alright?

Cat king: Is that you, God?

Monty: What?

Cat king: It's just, you sound a lot more like Monty than I expected.

[greenplantlizard]

super hero taisen

i have now seen it, and surprise surprise, the movie everyone says sucks ass sucks ass!!! wow

some of these bullet points are made by me live, because i just have it open in miniplayer as i look at other tabs i am so disinterested in the slop i and i alone have decided to force in front of my eyeballs

look how they massacred my boys

literally all of them

i dont think a single character in this movie is done right

when they're not wildly off-base they're just kinda,,, flat

i also have no idea who's movie this is supposed to be

you'd think it'd be about fourze and the go-busters, but nope

you'd think it'd be about decade and the gokaigers, and you'd be,,,, more,,,, right???

why is joe like that

i will give this movie props for komathunder being there, objectively funny kaijin pick

i was right about not needing to see go-busters, other than their aesthetic i have learned net zero info

ooo's ultimate power is not his medals, fuck off

oh they called goseiger boring

i will admit i chuckled

why would you bring back old villains if you're going to do zero with them, im extending this question to a bunch of other stuff too, but like,,,, why are warz and ackdos accepting marvelous as leader? why is zangyack 'returned' when it hadn't quite entirely dissolved? what the fuck are rider particles? is that narutaki, im genuienly unsure because even his most memable traits are nearly entirely absent, he's not even flanderised right, that's the level this movie is on

why the fuck is the den-liner here, let den-o die im begging you please, ive had enough of it being dragged into shitty movies

so its about the timeslot thing?

what

i see we're taking the lets go kamen riders approach to lore concistency

that is to say, we aren't

i would read this as a kid playing with their ungodly huge figure collection, but that reading would imply a story id have more fun with than whatever is happening here

hina has just been standing around staring at everything

at least blink, girl

maybe revealing that everyone's not actually dead would work better after the big reveal that the villains are actually the vilains

what the fuck are sentai particles

the big machine? like in the kamen rider manga by manga artist shotaro ishi(no)mori? i who have read the manga am now happy because they said the name of something from a thing that i read and enjoyed

yeah i figured this was a ruse, although with how this movie writes everyone i would also not have been surprised if there was no reveal

ah yes the three original heroes, kamen rider #1, akaranger and kamen rider ooo

has gai been there the whole time? i literally did not notice

anyway its time for the big final battle, so its time to sit back and watch a sea of colour mindlessly wash over my screen

should at least be fun, the action has been good when the fighters have lasted more than 30 seconds

y'know what, actually really enjoyed that last battle

wait why is there more left

kaito what are you doing

kaito no

kaito no

kaito no

kaito one astronomically dumb idea will not heal your heart of the damage cause by another astronomically dumb idea

i think the rock great leader from let's go kamen riders specifically should have been stepped on by the big machine, it would be funny

wow look at that its a new crossoevevresvsjvna mechahacb ncx forma aenaebahvb haevhebbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

oh bye narutaki lol what the fuck

wait what kaito that wasnt your motivation for doing whatever it is you were doing

bad kaito sit in the shame crater and think about what you've done

does this mean its over please tell me its over

i mean,,, it's not my current least favourite rider movie

just

onigashima warship was more painful

anways, time to pretend this never happened, because none of it matters :D

[marley-manson]

M*A*S*H for the ask meme

Thank you 💖 And thank you @coffee-rack since you also asked this one 💖

my favorite female character

Margaret's really the only viable option lol, but I do love her. Both in the early seasons when she's a very fun, funny villain and an excellent representative of the establishment, and the later seasons where she gets fleshed out more as a character rather than a caricature.

my favorite male character

HAWKEYE HAWKEYE HAWKEYE

Character of all time.

my favorite book/season/etc

I thiiink I might have to go with season 2. It has a few of my absolute favourite episodes (Dr Pierce Mr Hyde, Carry on Hawkeye) and just about all of the rest are bangers too. Season 3 might be slightly more solid in terms of quality of writing, but season 2 has higher highs.

my favorite episode (if its a tv show)

Doctor Pierce Mr Hyde. First and best Hawkeye breakdown ep. Has the best gay joke in the show. I love Hawkeye's behaviour on three days without sleep, love his attempts to stop the war, love his insistence that it can be stopped, love the political undercurrent - people did this, people are perpetuating it, people can stop it but they won't. If the pilot stops going up and bringing back wounded, there won't be anymore wounded. What if they gave a war and no one came? Who's responsible? Maybe everyone who participates. But at least Hawkeye tries to take responsibility and stop it himself.

Also I love that it's still funny. Dark comedy > pure drama with a light comedic side plot. Usually.

my favorite cast member

Skipping this one because I don't have any fandom interest in the actors and don't have a favourite.

my favorite ship

Hawk/Trap. Love their chemistry, love how fun they are to watch, love the gay jokes, love the sincere moments.

a character I’d die defending

Well, Hawkeye. Mostly from the later seasons narrative itself than other fans lol. I'll save you from the implication that you're too immature to commit to women or that your misogyny manifests in being defensive of your masculinity or that your anti-army sentiments go too far and/or are pointless ⚔

a character I just can’t sympathize with

I can sympathize with all of them at least sometimes, even Frank. Even Potter. So let's go with: any general we ever see. Really almost every one-off commanding officer. And Flagg of course.

a character I grew to love

I never disliked him, but I love Frank more and more with every viewing. He's such an asset to the show and the real political downturn happens with him leaving imo.

my anti otp

Hawk/Margaret. Can't stand the concept of them in any kind of romantic love, hats off to the show for nipping it in the bud and having Hawkeye directly say they'd never work as a couple but they should be friends <3

ask meme

[ohwowhereiam]

welcome to my diary with no context enjoy

“pope francis is gonna die soon. that’s not a threat, that’s a promise.”

“i HATE SCHOOL. why can i not be a fairy in the forest? i’m forced to be a fairy at school it SUCKS!”

“donald trump should have been a drag queen. why the FUCK did he go into politics?!”

“i mean yeah she never screamed STRAIGHTY STRAIGHPANTS but like… she wears seashells. but i mean that’s a kind of gay?”

“i can’t believe i like ed sheeran. i’m becoming straight.”

quickly followed by

“no. NO. i just like fiddles and weird almost irish accents but that are not quite irish. it’s the FIDDLE i know it is.”

“like it’s MORE than romantic love, like it’s more powerful. like when you watch a video of a kitten and want to stomp on it.”

“i wonder what my legacy is. what i hope it is. hmmmmmmmm. tricky time. tricky tricky time.”

“imagine this train derails.”

“she makes me feel like someone is taking out all my intestines and wringing them out like a damp cloth.”

“i was fully giggling out loud and all. i need a gun.”

“whaddayamean my pants are off? AND WHO THE FUCK KEEPS SAYING THAT?!”

quickly followed by

“anyways i’m so normal about everything all the time!”

“i’m pretty sure i stepped in glass the other day.”

“i’m watching euphoria at the moment and OH MY GOD?! WHAT THE FUCK?! HOW IS AMERICA REAL?!”

“serves me right for not wearing any socks.”

“the word written on my brain today is blazé, which is odd, because i am almost positive i have never used that word correctly in a sentence ever. i think my refusal to google what it actually means increases the hilarity of this ordeal by at least 67 percent.”

“thanks phoebe bridgers. i don’t want to move yet. i think i’ll watch some james to make me feel better. i am fucking delusional.”

“i’ll cry later. then i’ll write my debate.”

“taylor is cradling me in her tortured poet arms right now.”

“i’m sat like a lad to intimidate him. he’s sat cross legged like a queer. THATS A LYRIC OMG i’m stealing that.”

“SAY DRAKE! yeah, i’m still listening to not like us. like basically everyone. well. no.”

“seven minutes. i could listen to meet the grahams.”

“maybe i’ll have a boyfriend or something by summer. okay now i laugh. AHAHAHAHAHAHAH kill me.”

“GOOD GOD THE MAN NEXT TO ME SMELLS LIKE TEN CANS OF BOUNCE THAT ASS.”

quickly followed by

“god, he’s actually fucking ripe. that’s GROSS bleugh.”

“and he looks like my maths tutor.”

“at least when i was uncertain and delusional, the hope didn’t feel like a massive, obnoxious, female shaped knife being plunged into my chest repeatedly until i drop fucking dead.”

“ew. andy is right.”

“i am now imagining that i am k. howard on broadway and that no one exists.”

“my nails hurt, i’ve eradicated them and bitten them so much it physically pains me to move my hands. typing this is high-key low-key agony.”

“THIS IS DUUUUUUUUUUMB my god i need a life. i need to write my conclusion for french.”

“will mum and dad let me mooch off of their spotify plan when i’m an adult. maybe until i get married. then i’ll just mooch off my spouse.”

“i love music. why am i crying over a boy? i have music. music speaks every single vowel that i do not dare let venture from my lips. music takes me places i could never bring myself to visit. music whistles the sound of my fuckin’ heart exploding and sells it to me for 7.99 a month.”

and my personal favourite

“i wanna be silly. christ, i wanna be silly. but the socio-political and economic state of the world prevents it. i am a martyr. i lead flocks of sheep. i am jesus.”

thank you.

[shmowder]

Rubin and Vlad jr being canon besties and also weirdly obsessed with Artemy’s dad is so fucking funny to me like you KNOW they’d immediately both be 30% less weird if they just fucked but they WON’T. Nina at least like PAID the Stamatins, Isidor really said “artemy let these bitches die in the plague PLEASE”

Anon, for a second in time, I really thought you meant that Vlad Jr and Rubin would be less weird if only had they fucked Isidor Burakh.

Why was my first reaction "but isn't that just counterproductive :/" As if the weird margin was the biggest concern in this whole equation.

Tbf, Isidor was saving kids to ensure the future of the town while Nina was saving her favourite human pets to build more miracles. Like yes he had no quealms with Rubin and Vlad Jr dying but Nina JUST LET HER OWN SON DIE. The Kains literally chose the safety of their paid contractual workers over their youngest family member.

Did they really need Mark Immortell in there? Tf was he doing besides sassly standing there with his cane? Is the gay unhinged retired theatre director really that much of a better option than the life of your own 10 years old child?

Anyway, I don't think there is a single force on this earth that could make these two less weird. Good dick can only go so far and this is me being overly generous because I highly doubt their skills in bed. That dick is mediocre at best.

But oh yes, they still should fuck either way. For science, of course. Who said you can't have sisyphean themed sex?

[justjasper]

Hellooo! I come with the most basic ask haha

What's your favorite thing about Morgan's character? And about Reid's character? What season made you ship them?

My favourite part about Morgan is his deep, profound empathy, even when it costs him.

Prentiss pegs him early on, when she says "you make the people around you feel good", and that is, I maintain, absolutely central to his character.

An example that stands out to me is his interactions with the unsub Stephen in In Heat (closested gay man who is killing bc of sexuality struggles). And whether you read with with queer!Morgan lenses or not, Morgan being the one to stand there, victimised the way he was, and tell this unsub there is nothing wrong with him for being gay is just... it breaks me.

The way he bears his own trauma, something he buried for 20 years, relives that and hurts himself when he knows it will help someone else, is absolutely heart wrenching.

And I know the other characters share their trauma, but to me personally (your mileage may vary etc), the disclosure of being a survivor of sexual violence (especially in childhood) is such a significant and raw trauma to relive over and over. It's a hard one to speak openly about. And Morgan does it, even when it costs him, because he knows it will help someone.

My favourite part about Reid's character is just how strong he is. I could go on about empathy for him too, but the strength of Reid to keep coming back, fight on, to push himself, that's what gets me.

I believe there is strength in softness, but Reid's the character who I think suffers from the woobification the worst with Criminal Minds, and sometimes that means people's interpretations of him strip him of agency, which I think I identify with from a very autistic point of view.

I don't mean the tendency for Reid to be the focal of "whump" (reid's targetted/kidnapped/hurt) bc I love that shit as much as the next gay, but sometimes the woobification extends to making Reid meek, submissive, helplessness, when it's just not true.

He's smart, quick witted, snarky, can absolutely be a mean git, adaptable to situations, both socially awkward and socially intelligent at once. He knows his worth and knows when people understimate and undermine him. Sometimes it feels like this gets forgotten within fandom. Which isn't a big deal in the end, these are not real people but paper dolls we make kiss, but Reid's strength is so central to why I love him.

---

The exact moment it went from "oh that's kinda cute" to "they are in love and i will die for them" was season 2x12, profiler, profiled, when Morgan's sisters and mother absolutely clock Reid.

"Derek talks about you."

I was a goner then, that was it. Forever OTP, canon and increasingly inconsistant writing and a fundamentaly homophobic network (fuck u CBS) be damned. They're it. They're endgame for me.

Related, the closest "canon" moment where I think they could have been made real honest to god canon would have been season 4's Amplification. Should have had them kiss in that hospital room and broken ground for queer rep on network TV.

But at least we have fanfiction!

[singlecrow]

Hello and happy saturday!! was wondering if there are any authors or particular books that have particularly influenced your writing??

What a lovely question! Hi! So there's this book called Voices, by Ursula Le Guin who is usually my favourite author, one of her later works and nominally YA. It's fantasy about a formerly thriving little nation state that's been invaded and systematically oppressed, and the main characters belong to the household of the man who was the elected leader of the nation in the old days. He was tortured; the family live hand to mouth. And then comes a time where, for the first time since the old days, they have real guests. And they don't have much to feed them, and their hospitality is so far from what it used to be, but everyone turns out and they clean the house from top to bottom. One of the kids asks why it matters, and gets schooled in short order about where their remaining dignity lies.

And, well, I can't see the book from where I'm sitting and I forget the line, but it's something like: this is what we mean about housework. If it isn't done honourably, then where is honour?

And I don't know if that book itself influenced me or Le Guin just codifies what I like to write about anyway, but that's my main theme and she's the author who gives it the most shape that I can think of. This idea that you really can peel potatoes to the glory of God, as the Jesuits say; that such work in the service of dignity and honour is as worthy as any great thing; and, in a way, that there are no great things, and that institutions, states, the non-corporeal structure of the world, is all cleaning the house before company comes. And I shouldn't think that, not really; I'm a constitutional lawyer and small strokes of the pen do influence seventy million people all at once if you do them right. But Le Guin, again, rebuts that by telling you that individuals matter ("The Ones Who Walk From Omelas" is the short story about that) regardless, because where else is the polity except in who and what it serves? I go back to Le Guin a lot on this; I'm trying to write something at the moment that is supposed to be a war story set in space, but turns out to be, as usual, some small things in a few people's lives that happen as a war rages around them, and why they keep on mattering as everything falls apart.

One of my other favourite authors is Natasha Pulley, and my favourite of her books (I love them all) is The Lost Future of Pepperharrow, which is a gaslamp fantasy set mostly in Japan, and it has lots of adventures and beautiful scenery and other fun stuff. But it's written in this devastatingly restrained style, which continuously reassures me that it's ok to write that way though obviously I don't do it as well as she does, and also, it comforts me that it's ok to write about grief. That melancholy and grief can basically be what you write about (if small things matter, small things destroy) even if a lot of people prefer romance and why shouldn't they in these terrible times. Thaniel, the main character, is a young gay civil servant, who knows in his heart if not his head that he's dying of tuberculosis. It's a queering of the consumptive Victorian girl trope, except Thaniel and Mori, his partner, are more immediately concerned about the imminent Offences Against the People Act that will criminalise male homosexuality. Exactly a hundred years later young gay men will die of AIDS-linked TB. It's a stunning book, never as popular as I think it should be, and I really aspire to writing one like it.

I hope that answered your question? idk! at least i hope it answered something.

[filzmonster]

If you’re doing the ask game: Gilbert Nightray?

any excuse to talk about Gilbert Nightray tbh

First impression: I saw him being angsty in the rain during the intro for 0.2 seconds and I just knew he was going to be my fave.

Impression now: Honestly, it's been over ten years and I still can't really put into words how much this fictional character means to me.

To me, he has one of the most interesting, most well crafted character journeys I've ever seen. The way his entire loyalty complex is depicted, established and developed is something that still touches me very deeply. How he struggles with but ultimately pushes through his issues is just ,,,,,,,,, hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ,,,,,,,,, dare I say inspiring? Also, he got a lot of cool moments throughout the series and I'm very thankful for that <3

Favourite moment: This was a tough one because there are so manyyyyyyyy. But I'm gonna go with the one that impressed me the most from a 'the way this story is written' pov and that's the one where he shows up and saves Break from Fang and Lilly. I don't even know. Just thinking about this scene and the way it was set up - with Gilbert running towards Oz, Vincent manipulating him into thinking Break can take care of himself, his flashbacks to when Break told him to get his priorities straight, with him realizing that Break is blind, with him still chosing to run towards Oz and Vincent's sinister 'good riddance Hatter' smile, and then Gilbert laughing in all of their faces by saying 'screw my priorities, I can chose both' - still gives me chills. I so very clearly remember sitting in my bed at like 3am, reading it for the first time and just losing my mind over Gilbert showing up and kicking him in the back when no one, least of all Break, expected him to do that.

Idea for a story: One day I will write down the 'The Tragedy of Sablier never happend and Gilbert and Vincent and Alice grow up as Baskervilles with Oswald and Jack as their gay parents' story set to Bastille songs I have been dreaming about for 5 years. Y'all just wait.

Unpopular opinion: There should have been a last meaningful conversation between Break and Gilbert before Break dies.

I know a lot of people absolutely love that Break got to spend his last impactful scenes with Oz and Vincent, guiding these two through their last character development steps, but ,,,,,,, but.

It just makes me so mad that up until the very climax of Gilbert's character development (him burning off his left arm and then showing up to stand in front of Glen and declare his loyalty to Oz no matter what) there were so many conversations between these two from the very beginning, the parallels between both of them serving Masters, Break being aware that he is the cautionary tale for Gilbert and trying to guide him, Gilbert showing up and saving him, Break even going all I don't have to worry about him anymore while being chained to a wall, so sure that Gilbert is going to help Oz because even though he saw him shoot Oz he also saw through the compulsion and realized that Gilbert picked his side, Oz' side, and that he would ultimately pull through.

And yet. AND YET. Their last real interaction is Gilbert being furious at Break and blaming him for Oscar's death and then just kind of ignoring him and not even really acknowledging him/his impending death when they part ways in the ruins of Sablier and Break stays behind to die alone in the arms of Reim and Sharon.

Instead the focus is on Vincent and Oz, as if the last 20something volumes of their friendship and connection suddenly didn't matter anymore. I'm still disappointed about this 10 years later apparently, because just like Gilbert I simply cannot let things go.

Favourite relationship: Breakbert Oz. Whatever the hell he has going on with Oz in every shape, form and colour throughout the entire manga. I live and breathe for that shit. The angst, the loyalty, the doubt, the jealousness, the dismissiveness, the fucked-up-ness at times. The way they both trigger their respective issues at the start but then become each other's guiding light to becoming better versions of themselves and then ending up with this beautiful, trusting friendship where they both understand the other better and see them for who the other really is and still chose each other, despite everything. Fuck.

Favourite headcanon: Uff. I fear I am so out of touch with the source material these days that I don't really remember what was actually hinted at in the manga and what was just my interpretation of certain things?

I distantly remember him angsting about doing dirty work for the Nightrays at some point, so I have this headcanon that he worked as some sort of assassin/spy for them for a while? No idea if that's a true headcanon or just my imagination running wild with a throwaway line, but I like the idea of him being actually way more ruthless than he seems and very willing to go to drastical measures for the people he cares about without hesitation.

[lady-sci-fi]

20, 24, 25 for the star trek ask ^^

Star Trek Ask Game

What piece of widely accepted fanon is your favourite? 👐

Hm... maybe that the Nemesis movie didn't happen and therefore Data didn't die then? (I consider post-First Contact TNG stuff as non-canon 😜)

The general idea of Julian going to Cardassia post-war is a good one, but only after its been at least a few years.

What should have happened in Star Trek, but didn't? 🎷

Julian/Garak KISS. Data/Geordi KISS. 😜 Geordi being explicitly gay, as was in his original character notes, would've been nice.

Kivas Fajo coming back for an episode in season 7 after Data had some emotion chip experience could've been amazing.

What's your unpopular opinion/hot take? 🐈

Worf and Klingon stuff in general is so boring that my brain half-checks out whenever it comes up. Worf's best stuff is the non-Klingon episodes. Worf is fine as part of the TNG/DS9 groups, but if the episode is focused on him and Klingon stuff? No. Jadzia is also like that for me.